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I Need It – I Do not Need It

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I Want It – I Don’t Want It

My life is full of things I want or things I don’t want. There doesn’t seem to be a space that is “empty”.

An interesting thing has occurred since I started noticing the “wants” in my life. Even though there seems to be just as much, I have noticed when the “wants” pop up, they don’t linger and fester like they used to.

I also notice that I am not as angry or upset about things (when I don’t get what I want). If anger starts, I see the ‘want’ that is there, and it seems to dissipate (on its’ own).

Someone’s comments yesterday showed me something more on the “want” thing. It is not all wants that cause my suffering/problems. It is only those “wants” that I give some level of importance to that cause problems. So, it seems that not all my “wants” cause suffering, yet I also see that most (all?) my suffering/problems are caused by “wants”.

Maybe Buddha had it “right” in the 4 Noble truths: Suffering arises from attachment to desires(wants).

I am not speaking of the physical “wants, I mean all the “psychological wants”, like: love, acceptance, appreciation, respect, etc. I was brought up to believe I get those things from other people, and I “want” them to give it to me! And (to add to the madness) I have a set of conditions they have to do/say to “prove” that to me. And, when they don’t do it, I get upset/angry… etc. What insanity I create for myself.

“Want” is included with almost all conversations/thoughts that I have, even if the word itself is not included. There is usually an “underlying” intent of “want”. Any time I have an excuse or a justification for something, there was a “want” prior to that that I used to miss. I want something… BECAUSE (then the excuse/justification). Often the “I want” part is missing, and only “because” part is there.

I notice the line between ‘want’ and ‘need’ is blurred, or non-existent. The things I have been saying “I want” to, are really things that my mind says, “I need” these things in order to survive. I have put some importance to them, and have made them something that if I don’t get, something awful will happen (maybe even death), and that is why there is a ‘problem/suffering’ when I don’t get them.

I see that all my anger (in every aspect of my life) comes from the wants/don’t wants in my life, and I see that almost every thought in my head includes a ‘want/don’t want” in it, no wonder I always have this under-lying anger! It was a constant.

I see how all the ‘wants/don’t wants’ come from my conditioning and they are not real, they have nothing to do with “me”, they are something I took on and continued to believe was “me”.

The truth is: I am a conditioned robot, thinking is thinking me (phrase thanks to Edward Jones).

joltik moveset

I Want It – I Don’t Want It

how i met your mother s05e03

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